**The Rise of the Green Dildo Menace** Over the past two weeks, a bizarre trend has been hijacking WNBA games: mid-play, some genius in the crowd decides to yeet a bright green dildo onto the court like they’re auditioning for Jackass 5. The victims? Players like Sophie Cunningham—who literally just asked people to stop—only to get whacked by one two days later. The weapon of choice? A suspiciously identical toy each time, pointing to something more organized than random pranksters. **Crypto Bros Admit It’s a Stunt** Turns out this isn’t just garden-variety trolling. A sketchy memecoin calling itself Green Dildo Coin allegedly hired people to toss the toys for clout. Think “viral marketing” meets “sexual harassment charges.” Two guys—Delbert Carver, 23, and Kaden Lopez, 18—are already facing criminal charges. One of them even managed to hit a 9-year-old in the process, because apparently the bar for human decency is in the Earth’s core now. **The WNBA is Done** Coaches and players are pissed. Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve called it a "sexualization of women" that’s straight-up disrespectful to women’s sports. The league has promised one-year bans for anyone caught, plus full cooperation with police to make sure the dildo-chuckers get prosecuted. **Enter Don Jr., Stage Cringe** Because no cursed internet moment is complete without a political cameo, Donald Trump Jr. hopped on Instagram and posted an altered image of his dad hurling a green dildo from the White House roof at WNBA players. Caption? Just: “Posted without further comment”. **The Internet Reacts** X, Reddit, and TikTok are in full meme mode—half dunking on the absurdity, half debating if this is the lowest point in sports PR history. Someone even made a fake ESPN “Green Dildo Toss” leaderboard. **Bottom line** We are living in a timeline where women’s basketball games are being interrupted by crypto-sponsored sex toys, and the son of a former president is memeing it for clout. Historians, good luck explaining this one.