**5️⃣ Algae Milk** Oat milk is so 2019 — now it’s all about squeezing lattes out of pond scum. Algae milk is creamy, green-ish, and comes with bragging rights about how it could save the planet. Just… don’t think about your high school biology class. **4️⃣ Jellyfish Snacks** These floppy ocean blobs are invading coastlines, so activists say — eat ‘em. Dried jellyfish has the texture of a bouncy ball and tastes like the ocean sneezed on a rice cracker. But hey, zero carbon hoofprint. **3️⃣ Crickets, Baby** Your protein powder? Could be 80% bug dust. The UN says crickets are the future, and green influencers are already making cricket-flour brownies like it’s the hottest bake-off trend. Bonus: you can pretend you’re on a survival reality show. **2️⃣ Lab-Frowned Meat** We all know lab-grown meat, but now there’s the passive-aggressive cousin: “lab-frowned” meat. Basically, meat tissue grown in vats… but it’s deliberately not as fatty or tasty, because “health.” Imagine biting into a steak that tastes like it’s judging you. **1️⃣ Butter… From CO₂** Yes, apparently your toast could soon be spread with climate change itself. Scientists figured out how to feed carbon dioxide to special microbes, which then excrete a butter-like fat. It’s like turning car exhaust into croissants — but with way more moral superiority. Compared to that, plant-based burgers don’t look that bad…